You left me. I knew it was creeping up behind me. I could feel the anticipated, agony breathing down my neck. I was afraid to turn around.  I avoided the inevitable for as long as I could…but it came anyway, just like I knew it would.  Although preparation was a the perfect handbook, this was still was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’m certainly not a pioneer to the pain of losing a pet and I won’t be the last to cross this path either; but that truth barely dulls the pain.  Only time can do that. So here I sit, time not on my side, not even close, and I am sad damn it.  I own it. It means that what was ours was real, electric, special.   You were the first one to enter my little family.  The first to join my pilgrimage. The first one who became mine…and as you drifted, I lost a little piece of my simple self just the same.

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As I held you, before you were handed some peace, I whispered lots of things to you. I urgently, uttered more I love you’s than fingers and toes could count. You had to know how much I loved you, I practiced it with vigilance.  Then, through the tears,  I’m the one who found some peace.  I suddenly remembered,  this wasn’t the end. This wasn’t forever…I told you a story. A story about how someday we would find each other and how neither one of us would have to let go ever again. I told you how I would never let time blur your memory and how we would recognize each other  by our eyes. I pictured it, I hope you did too. Then, after you were gone, the tenderhearted doctors handed us a purple piece of resume paper.  It displayed the story of Rainbow Bridge. I never remember reading it before but it happened to tell that same tale of us meeting one day.  Fate and divinity had persevered again. They  had just put on paper the exact notion that was fueling my heart in that moment…… and my feeble soul sighed in relief… You have left me but you are not gone. We shared so much how could you be?

Like how I taught you to sit ….and  you taught me how to really take in a good morning snuggle.

Or how I taught you  to “roll over” And you taught me that half the fun of opening presents is ripping the paper.

Or how about how I taught you to “speak.” And you taught me how to have a conversation with just our eyes.

There was me teaching you to shake and you teaching me how to be a momma for the very first time…even helping me perfect my momma sway.

I taught you “bang bang” and you taught me that we will “snap” at people for no reason….but if you nuzzle into them after, they will always forgive you.

I taught you to do high five and You taught me what is was like to be loved….Entirely, completely and without circumstance.

And…I taught you to trust me with your precious life while you solidified my faith in the unseen

My days seem to be missing something, my heart aching with void…….all because you taught me so much more than I ever taught you

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