Per usual, I tried to come up with a way to relate Judah’s glorious seven months on this earth to some thing having to do with the number 7. Immediately, I was drawn to seven’s namesake “lucky number 7″…..as it would be, I then saw sevens everywhere. They tapped on my shoulder while I waited for an elevator, led me to my table, woke me up on clocks. Seven, the one number that breeds luck.
So, how does this relate to my little Bubba you ask? Oh, in so many lovely ways. If you follow me on Instagram, you have often seen me tag #theluckyfew. Legends have it, that only the lucky ones are blessed with the darlings that hold an extra chromosome. People graciously over shared this with me when I was wrenching in pain. I, not so graciously, flashed a sarcastic grin. Friends spoke of how they were enchanted by lovelies like my little. They told me how they felt slighted when their child did not hold almond eyes and squishy low tone. I didn’t get any of it. I was perplexed to say the least and downright jealous if I’m being perfectly honest. I did not see us as lucky, blessed or special. I was peppered with apprehension , questions, and a haze hung around what my new life would look like. One friend sent me a private message on Facebook. Attached was a post about a well known mommy blogger, Glennon. You can read the splendid story here. She spoke of how she was pregnant and the Dr. almost assured her that her baby would be born with Down syndrome. Her stomach was not twisted in wrenching pain like my own…she was celebrating. She believed that she was different and special so it made perfect sense that her baby would be comparable. When her son Chase was born and he did not have Down Syndrome she actually grieved the loss of the baby she thought she was going to have. How do you like that? As I read this months ago, I was in disbelief at her disappointment….But now, seven months later, it is as clear as the blue eyes I stare into everyday. People swoon over us on the street. Friends fight to get him in their arms. Strangers lock eyes with me and I swear we share a secret. So,are we lucky? Did we hit the baby jackpot?
I used to joke with Bobby that he had the worst luck (and he did/does.) If there’s dog poop on the street I swear his shoe will find it. He hits all the red lights, just misses all the good parking spots, and bumps his head going to the basement one out of six times; easily…..BUT, he gave me this baby, this pure, angelic, sweetheart of a child. Am I lucky because I have a baby with Down Syndrome? Yes, indeed I am, but I’m lucky because I have babies, period!!!.
7 months is a magic number in the baby world and yet my cup still spills over with doubt. We have passed the most crucial period for SIDS, made it through the winter, and passed a number of tests. Judah can hear and his heart doctor and neurologist never need to see him again. He also beat his thyroid test this time. Did you know we have to do it once a year because kiddos that are chromosomally enhanced also have higher risk for childhood cancer? Cue giant kick to the gut. Judah’s services have been reevaluated and he will now get PT once a week and speech and teacher services every other. So, yay for us!!! We advocated and we are crushing it……….BUT Judah still and will always need services and we will forever be advocating. Judah received a score of 100% socially (I mean, really, are you surprised?) but his expressive and receptive language still lag. We have yet to get his eyes checked. That will happen in August…So, am I lucky??? Yes, but I do carry a backpack with worry words like: nonverbal, cataract, asthma, cancer and missed milestones.
Here’s the thing about luck,( especially when your past weather pattern has carried an excess of thunder clouds…) Worry still whips through your hair. You wait for that other shoe. Luck comes with a price. You wonder if it will run out, if clouds are headed your way. You blow out every birthday candle, wish on every star and end every prayer with “please just let life be boring for awhile.” So, as much as I would like you to believe it, life is not all lollipops and rainbows….But are we lucky? Hell to the yeah we are. We hold every single pleasantry in our hands, cupped carefully, willing them to last. The good days are freaking amazing days and they come with a side of changed perception and an unblocked vision to what is paramount….and then, for dessert, people praise our little family with passionate adoration and they tell us how very lucky we are.