“There are several ways that animals respond to winter: they migrate, adapt or hibernate.”
Last year at this time I spoke of the way I was tangled up in all of the ways that Christmas had me high and low ( read that post Here) In summary, I reveled in the magic and suffered as I had to let it go. This year You may find me waving a middle finger bye bye to the season.
I’ve analyzed and reanalyzed my different point of view this year??? It’s what I do. I take my feelings like a sopping wet wash cloth and I wring it metaphorically dry. I’ve come up with a few possibilities. They range from having a new enchanting baby last year to the demands I have this year? It could be my job where the magic must also live as I mold minds of impressionable 5 year olds and therefore sap it from my life at home? It could be my two very own little time stealers who beg for every bit of my being? It could be rampant family sickness, or seasonal affective disorder? It could be that the trauma of Christmas past, where only health mattered, is fading and I’m back to taking for granted? Maybe I came in too hot with the all holiday music or it could be how I threw multiple grandiose soirées that took their pricey toll? Maybe I am unconsciously sad it’s over and am disappointed I didn’t make it more grand? Maybe I’m just fucking tired and I cannot care enough this year no matter how hard I try to will it so?
But all my analyzing and wringing and trying to fix and worrying that the spirit may evade me forever, doesn’t change the fact that I am sullen, I am over it and I am welcoming a form of hibernation.
I have always found it weird that we are the only species that does not alter its routine in response to the weather. We get the same sleep, do the same work and fulfill the same expectations. I cannot very well tell my boss, children or students “nope, sorry, this winter I am going to Florida, lessening my work load or taking a long ass nap.” Could you imagine though? Binging on all that Christmas decadence then sleeping for a good few months?
But we cannot. We must trek on. I don’t know about you , but I still need to replenish. It is time for me to take to all my unread pins about self care and gratitude and simplicity. The excess of society is a skin to be shed and I need to molt.
You will not find me with overlined lips and eyes. My weave will be unclipped and my trendy attire retired briefly to the back of my wardrobe.
If you need me, search for the clean faced girl, wrinkled and worn. Look for green tea and Tabata. You can find me under a cozy blanket, in yoga pants and hair in a pony. I will be centering. I will be searching for my gratitude that somehow has gotten lost in the hustle and bustle of a season that escaped me.
And let’s not get it twisted. This is not a shift I welcome, like a resolution. It is a necessity. My voice feels like a whisper, my prayers are weak and my gratitude shallow.
I want the love back. The deep kind. The kind that makes me ache with thankfulness and awareness of blessings. That takes work folks.
So like many fuzzy creatures I will rest and awake hungry in the spring. I hope to be hungry for celebration and stilettos. But for now, I “sleep” so, please, don’t poke the bear!