In eight days from today, on June 8th, you will be turning 8. To make sure that I really took in 7 and all of the years before that, I read every birthday blog post I have ever written you…and I cried at every one.
I’m not sad Calvin. You are an amazing young man right now. I would not dare trade you now for younger self. I cried because I just love you so much. When I looked back on how I loved you then, I was struck by how my own words captured how I love you now. And all that love is just too much to keep bottled up inside. It pours out my eyes in the form of tears I suppose.
I love how proud you were when you learned to ride your bike this year and how you wear the confidence of that like a fine tuxedo.
I love how you are with your brothers: kind, engaged, patient, content.
I love your soul. It’s good to the core. It’s salt of the earth. It’s the old kind where people treated others with dignity because that simply was just the way.
I love every time you call me mommy and like a good book, I never want it to end.
I love our bike rides, our coloring sessions and when we bake together. Also, secretly I know you only pacify me so you can lick the spoon. I’m onto you, and I don’t care.
I love how hard you try.
I love how you still say “just for you know”
I love your chiclet teeth, messy hair, and how you always use sign language to “say” “I love you”
I love how you always ask me math problems, tell me jokes, and make me watch your YouTube gamers. I grin then and I even grin now as I think how you love sharing your favorite things with us. I do not care one bit how Moose plays Minecraft , but I adore how you think that I do.
I love how you lick your plate clean when you are eating something that you love .
I love how you prefer being home, even now…
Let’s talk about now. Now is a pandemic. You have been asked to miss the rest of your 2nd grade year. You have been asked to wear a mask, not be with friends, do work from home, and spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with your family. My, God Cal. You have handled it like a boss….way better than I have. Every now and then I see a twinge that shows me this is affecting you. That’s why you may remember the year 2020 as the year you seemed to get a lot of hugs out of nowhere.
And as if all this wasn’t enough, a man named George Floyd was killed by some policemen who were bad guys. George Floyd had brown skin. Many people with brown skin are harmed by police because some people think they don’t matter.
When I spoke to you about this, I really stressed the importance of our sameness, and how we are more alike than different. The way you responded with “I know mom” was accusatory. Like you couldn’t even believe there would be another way. I’m not surprised. The way you are with Judah is breath taking. Did you know, your whole school says that? All the teachers at your school comment to me often on how beautiful you are to your brother.
As far as I’m concerned, my work as a mother is done. You have already perfected my only goal for you: BE KIND. You do it effortlessly, graciously and flawlessly my love.
Happy crazy 8th birthday. I know it’s not what you expected. I also know you’ll roll with it, and handle it perfectly …but expect some extra hugs , just in case. I love you to the moon and back.
Love,
Mommy
Crazy Eights
Finding The Joy 