I’ve been writing about you for years now. And every year I read what I’ve written and I relish the way you’ve grown but stayed the same. Until this year. Because excuse me sir, have we met?
I am so entirely in awe of the way you have changed from 11 to 12. Nobody tells you that one day your child will actually molt. And where there used to be legos and “I love you mommy”there is “what the sigma” and leaving a room just because I’m in it.
Look, I was no peach at your age. In fact, I was even more isolated and peer driven. So, I understand you even though I don’t. What I mean is, these are growing pains. This is your becoming. You are evolving from someone who needs constant guidance in life to someone who is guiding their own. And what a job you are doing. You my love, have taken middle school by storm. I’ve always known how smart and kind you are, but honor roll every report card smart? I had no idea, especially when school isn’t exactly your thing.
You’ve taken complete control of your life; inserting yourself into all the things that bring you joy. But also, removing yourself politely from all the things that don’t. As a preteen, to pick piano and gorilla tag over what the crowd is doing is rarer than you know. Most kids your age go painfully overboard to remain exactly the same as their peers. I was most kids. And let me tell you, it took a very long time for me to find my way back to myself after conforming for all those formidable years.
What you are doing is exceptional. And in that way, you have remained the same way you’ve always been. Quietly rooted, living life on your terms, unable to be shaken by the other.
I will never stop asking if you want to join friends, have a big party or be a part of a team. But only because I don’t want you to miss opportunities. I will also always admire how you respectfully decline. You know who you are even as I stare up at the young man you’re becoming. you remind me how even if I don’t know this version of you, you do.
Loving you is so easy it almost feels like I’m forgetting something. But year after year you show me just how capable you are. You remind me that you are not me. You lead your life in a way that is inspiring. You leave me in awe. It is such a pleasure to witness your beautiful, unapologetic, molting.
12 years ago I had no idea that you would teach me, but here you are, showing me exactly how to transform seamlessly from kid to young man. I’m so proud to be your mom. Happy birthday sweetheart I love you so damn much.
Finding The Joy 